apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
