Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
