my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Found your dick twin last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
