Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
