Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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