i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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