Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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