I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
