We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
