mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
