So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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