dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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