hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
