life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
