i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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