tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
