3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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