using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
