grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
