Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
