I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
