I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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