We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
