just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
