I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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