they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
