i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
