I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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