those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So many bounce houses so little time
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
