Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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