I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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