I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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