He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
