I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
