Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
