You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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