Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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