you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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