So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
