I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
