i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
