You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
