what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
