Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
