we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
