Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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