It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
