turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
