my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
