my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
