Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
