I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
