you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
