My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize