I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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