After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
