Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
