goodnight i made you a song goodbye
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
