so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
