Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
