Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
