Are we in a gay sports bar?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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