Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Small penises have feelings too.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
