Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
