I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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